Past&Future

The following document is excerpted from the inaugural presentation in the Lawrence Stanley Denton Lecture Series, presented by Hooligan Community College, a division of Psychedelic State University. Your extinguished presenter, Professor Anton Saurian.

We begin, of course, with the Proto-Hooligan, Holtensis Hoolipithicus. He is recognized as the first of our kind by the characteristic Hooligan cranium of massive bone containing virtually no cerebrum.

Moving forward 100,000 years, let us view the first of the modern Hooligan species, Desnmorie Cro Hooligan, also know as the Bone headed Man. Densmorie is thought to have been the inventor of music, banging out percussive rhythms with his weighty skull against tree trunks and rocks.

Let us now look at the dawn of modern civilization. Here we meet the great Pharaoh Root-en-tooten-Hoolikamun of the Egypshinez. The builders of the world's first and only flat pyramids, the Egypshinez are also thought to be the first to brew a beer-like beverage- a nasty gruel fermented of pizza crusts and hot-dogs, diet staples of these sallow complected people.

Meanwhile, to the East, Genghis Bong conquered all of Eurasia and stoned everybody!

And, in Africa today, we find these great Stoned Heads. Evidence of a great lost Hooligan civilization? While experts argue, Hooligans have no doubt of their real significance.

But, what of the conquest of the New World? As we know, Carlo Hoolumbus set sail in three spliffs, the Sativa, Visina and Pint o' Sangria, in search of the Orient and rare spices. He never got to the orient, but he did return from Brooklyn with some excellent dime bags.

His dose-covery was met with great inhalation by Queen Hoolibella of Highberia.

Moving to the modern era, Hooligans are best known for their cultural contributions, particularly in the arena of popular music. No single group better embodies this fact than those fabulous mop-tops, Don, Paul, Rog and Billy.

Finally, let us ask; what of the future? Scientists agree that if evolutionary trends continue- this is the face of the Hooligan in the 4th millennium! Note the bulging, crazed and blood-shot eyeballs and the cranium the size of a soccer-ball containing a brain-pan the size of a pea and full of nothing more substantial than a wisp of cannabis smoke.

With that, allow me to conclude this evening's Lawrence Stanley Denton Lecture and remind you- here at Hooligan Community College, a division of Psychedelic State- every friggin' minute, there's another pop-quiz!

	We begin, of course, with the Proto-Hooligan, Holtensis Hoolipithicus. He is recognized as the first of our kind by the characteristic Hooligan cranium of massive bone containing virtually no cerebrum.
Moving forward 100,000 years, let us view the first of the modern Hooligan species, Desnmorie Cro Hooligan, also know as the Bone headed Man. Densmorie is thought to have been the inventor of music, banging out percussive rhythms with his weighty skull against tree trunks and rocks.
	Let us now look at the dawn of modern civilization. Here we meet the great Pharaoh Root-en-tooten-Hoolikamun of the Egypshinez. The builders of the world's first and only flat pyramids, the Egypshinez are also thought to be the first to brew a beer-like beverage- a nasty gruel fermented of pizza crusts and hot-dogs, diet staples of these sallow complected people.
Meanwhile, to the East, Genghis Bong conquered all of Eurasia and stoned everybody!
	And, in Africa today, we find these great Stoned Heads. Evidence of a great lost Hooligan civilization? While experts argue, Hooligans have no doubt of their real significance.
But, what of the conquest of the New World? As we know, Carlo Hoolumbus set sail in three spliffs, the Sativa, Visina and Pint o' Sangria, in search of the Orient and rare spices. He never got to the orient, but he did return from Brooklyn with some excellent dime bags.
	His dose-covery was met with great inhalation by Queen Hoolibella of Highberia.
Moving to the modern era, Hooligans are best known for their cultural contributions, particularly in the arena of popular music. No single group better embodies this fact than those fabulous mop-tops, Don, Paul, Rog and Billy.
	Finally, let us ask; what of the future? Scientists agree that if evolutionary trends continue- this is the face of the Hooligan in the 4th millennium! Note the bulging, crazed and blood-shot eyeballs and the cranium the size of a soccer-ball containing a brain-pan the size of a pea and full of nothing more substantial than a wisp of cannabis smoke.